not telling

i am secretly starting a new blog, dunno how exactly secret posting a blog in the first place can be- but i am not telling, linking bragging,coercing fellow humans to play along, just in this instance:)

I voyeur at a local haunt online for glass lampwork artists, and sometimes is just warms my heart to read them ranting about things I want to rant about, or praising things i wanna sing about.But I normally don't chime in.

here i will say that midlife has brought the shift from mysticism and outward seeking, inward ,to being , and to slightly uncomfortable contemplations. About being human, about the whole mechanics of this life. And me being in it and it being in me. what fun;) that was cheeky, but with optimism:)

So music is my dream, aspect of music? umm that would be songwriting. my sweet sweet turmoil twining itself around musical notes and melodies springing out of me before I have had a chance to explore the moment consciously.

My craft- art, staying within the same family of aesthetics at least:) I set my own hours. I melt glass and shape it, twist and twine it, not as adeptly as music, but well enough to produce something palpably artistic, and interesting. If it weren't bread and butter- oh the things I would like to do with glass. I would like to put my hands in a big melted bowl of it (these are the fire-proof, melt-proof hands) and mash it around like play-doh, meatloaf (or veggie loaf respectively), squeeze it through my fist and fingers, mold it into tweaks and turrets.... but for now I am still daily worshiping more benign subjects at the torch. Rounds. Organics. Press Beads. First to train my hands to put a straight line, a clear un mushed dot, a perfect encasing, before i let them tweak;)

so I love glass. and I love music. about Love, is it the chemical reaction that attracts good "things" to hurtle towards us from the cosmos? Is it forgetting to love or be loving that leaves me in the dark, the opposite of love, that irritation and frustration, the very thoughts of which attract and multiply themselves... do you ever go back and edit out text from your blog posts cause what you wrote sounds ridiculous a couple of days later?

Alright. Good starters. Love and adoration, Jenelle